Monday, January 22, 2018

Countdown to Letting You Go

As I start counting down from 10 to 1, I’ll recall a memory of ours that I always think of and for sure will cherish for the rest of my life. I know it’s really hard to let go because we had a lot of things shared with each other and the thought of “it will never happen again,” surely makes me rethink to do otherwise. Unfortunately, things has changed and I am really not doing well in coping up with what is happening. I hope that by doing this countdown, I will be able to let go and help myself not to start counting up again.
Let the countdown begin:
10…
I will always cherish our laughter together. I will always remember the times when you mock me when I try telling corny jokes. When I try so hard and continue telling a whole array of jokes until I make you laugh. Those times when I find your jokes corny and because I don’t want to disappoint you, I’ll still laugh at it like it was the best joke I ever heard.
9…
Your smile will always be the most beautiful. You have the best smile when you wear it on. You can always cheer me up when you smile at me, lifting me up from the depths of whatever feelings I am currently feeling. Thinking of your smile right now makes me smile as well. Your smile is really the best sunshine that always brightens up my gloomy day.
8…
That’s your beauty. Put it sideways and you’ll get infinity. You’re beautiful anytime of the day. With, with few or even without make up on. You really are the most beautiful. I will not forget the first time saw after you wake up, it’s like the best morning in my whole life, seeing a beautiful angel on a great weekend morning. I can’t stress enough how beautiful you are that I really want to look at you and see you every day, every minute…all the time.
7…
Spending time with you makes me feel that there is no forever. What I meant was, when I’m with you time really flies so fast that one whole weekend with you is not enough, I want to spend some more. I feel like we could do a lot more and I mean a lot more when we are together but we only have twenty-four hours a day and it’s just really not enough.
6…
I will always remember our long drives together. Holding hands, a big smile on our faces, listening to good music sometimes your favorites, sometimes mine. The way we always say, “This feels like my song for you.” I will always want to do those things again if given the chance. I really enjoy exploring places with you and I’m glad I was able to somehow.
5…
Five or six months ago, we started something that really shook and blown minds of some, even mine. I never really imagined that I will be able to feel you and kiss you and hug you tight. I was afraid at first but I took the risk and it was the greatest risk that I have taken in my entire life. I was praying every day that it will not end, asking for strength to endure any obstacle that came our way, surpassed a lot of things. But they said, in every beginning there is always an end.
4…
For all the mistakes and hurt I have done and dealt to you, I will always seek forgiveness for all of them. I was a mess when I realized everything has to end and things has to change. I was inconsistent and was pushing things out of their boundaries, making things hard for you. I am sorry that I hurt you, I didn’t realize that the one I was hurting the most you.
3…
I love you. That’s one of the best things that I heard to say to me. I was so happy when I knew that you are feeling something for me too. I wish right now that I will still be able to those word uttered from our lips and said to me, I wish I was better back then to be more deserving of those words. It makes my heart jump every time I hear you say you love me too. Just always remember that I still love you and will always love you.
2…
The happiness you shared with me, the genuine care you gave me, the thoughtful gestures you have shown me. I love you every minute of my life when I was with you coz even though we can’t put any label on us, I really felt that I was loved. I love the way you took care of me when there are times that I’m not feeling well. The way you become clingy when you are sick or when you are having migraines. The way we make love, the way you kiss me and hug me and look at me that it’s like we never want tomorrow to come. I will forever cherish these memories.
1…
You are someone who shone like the sun to me, your ever beautiful heart and soul infills me with faith, hope and love. I never wanted things to change, to end and separate us from each other’s arms. I always wanted more, that where I was made a mistake. I was always saying that I could not ask for more but I kept moving forward. Now, that I can say that I know better, things have already gone astray. I am sorry that I was mess back then, I learned a lot and I will always do whatever it takes to be a better person. I hope I will be able to show you or I wish that you’ll be able to see, but whatever happens, even if I will be able to show you now or not, I hope you’ll see that I am a changed person. I will never do the same mistakes over again. I always pray and hope that we can start over again and have what we had back then, but just like any other sunset on the beach…
This will be our sunset.
…2
…and in every sunset, there is tomorrow that is come, another sunrise and the sunset that happened yesterday will not stop me to love and to do everything that I can for you. I will do whatever change or adjustments that I need to do just to be with you again.
…3

…and with this, start my count to winning you back.